Forgive and Forget
by wildchild17
Summary: Merlin flung himself upright in bed, gasping. He leaned over, retching into the darkness, choking on the fear and pain that the nightmares brought... Focussing on the bitter taste in his mouth was easier than the memories.


Forgive and Forget

**A/N: A pretty short first chapter of a new fic I might do. If you like it… or if you don't… leave a review and tell me whether to carry on or not!**

**9/6/12 - I'm really sorry, but I have lost all inspiration for this story and so I will not be writing it. If you would like to continue it, please PM me and I'll be happy to tell you as much as I can remember about it!**

**24/8/12 - Story now being continued by _photo100_ - I'm really sorry if I've disappointed anyone who thought it was still up for grabs before I remembered to put this note on.**

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Merlin's eyes flew open and he flung himself upright in bed, ignoring the stabbing pain that this caused. He threw himself over the side of the bed, retching into the darkness, choking on the fear and pain. When he was done, he lay there gasping, feeling the bitter taste in his mouth. Focussing on that was easier than the memories.

The nightmares had been coming for weeks. Every time he tried to sleep, he knew they were waiting for him in the dream world. Sometimes it was so bad he was afraid to sleep. Not even sleeping draughts could stop them.

"Merlin?" Arthur's voice was anxious, worried. Merlin swallowed, trying to hold his emotions back. He couldn't let Arthur see him like this. It would only make the king feel worse.

"Merlin, are you alright?"

"I – I'm fine, Arthur." He tried to stop his voice from trembling, tried to hide his fear, but he knew Arthur would see through it. After a moment, he felt a warm hand on his good arm.

"You – you don't have to pretend around me, Merlin. You know that, right?"

_Of course I have to pretend. How can I tell you the truth? How can I tell anyone the truth? _"I know."

There was a long silence. Merlin imagined he could see Arthur's face screwing up as he tried to find the right words to say. Then, at last: "When… when are you going to tell us what they – what they—" He couldn't finish. Merlin closed his eyes. _Why do you have to keep asking this? I don't want to relive it. I don't want you to have to know. _

"Arthur…"

"I need to know."

"You _don't_ want to know. And I don't want to tell you. Can't we just leave it at that?"

"Merlin, I—"

He hated talking about this. The memories were flooding in, flashing before his eyes. "Don't make me, Arthur! Please…" he whispered, burying his face in his hands as it became too much to bear. Dimly, he could hear himself crying pitifully and feel Arthur's hand gently rubbing his arm.

_He spluttered, gasping for air at the cold shock of the water. She was standing over him, smirking. She raised her hand, eyes flashing gold, and his world exploded in pain…_

_"What do you want? Please…" he begged. They just laughed. _"_You've caused us far too much trouble, Merlin, and it's just too hard to get rid of you, so this time we won't bother. At least not yet…"_

_He was alone. His whole body was on fire and he could feel the blood dripping down his back. He gathered his magic and tried to force the cuffs off his wrists… Everything disappeared in an onslaught of agony. A voice was laughing in his ear, "I wondered when you'd try that one…"_

He was crying, unable to stop the tears coming. "Please, please stop, please leave me alone…"

Someone was still rubbing his arm gently. "It's okay, Merlin, no one's going to hurt you, it's alright, you're safe now."

Merlin took a deep breath and opened his eyes. "Gwaine?"

The knight stared down at him. "The one and only. You all right?"

He shrugged. "I guess."

"You were in a bit of a state there, Merlin."

He closed his eyes again and didn't reply.

"You wanna talk about it?"

_Does everyone have to do this? _"No."

Gwaine sighed. "Everyone has secrets, Merlin, but this is one you can't keep forever. You're going to have to tell us what happened one day whether you like it or not."

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**A/N: So, leave a review and tell me whether I should carry on! **

**- Story now being continued by _photo100._**


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